Nothing Is Healed

(Realizing that it’s a good thing that time doesn’t heal.)

Someone you love dies.

Everything else aside, what you’ll hear is that ‘time heals’.

I fear that’s a lie. At best, a misunderstanding.

Time passes – hours, then days, then weeks – and you’re no longer surprised by the death. You know what’s happened and you know the emotions it prompts in you. And so you learn how to manage your emotions.

That the death isn’t a surprise means it doesn’t catch you out. At least, not always. Mostly, when it’s mentioned, or something reminds you of it, or when you think of it by accident, you can find the energy, the strength and the discipline to manage your emotions.

Mostly, but not always. And that’s all the passing of time gives you.

Sometimes you can manage your emotions well. Sometimes, less well. But that’s all you’re doing.

Time doesn’t heal.

Time gives you the chance to learn how to best live the life you now have to lead, with that person you loved now forever gone. That’s all time passing can give you. Nothing’s healed. Nothing’s done, dusted, wrapped up and put away.

You hear people talk about closure as if there’s a process or event that can somehow end your sense of loss. Closure is a myth. Nothing’s healed.

Nothing’s healed – but that’s a good thing. A life without emotions to manage is barren.